A few days before Christmas, I had a dream that my mum would open her eyes on the day I first visited her after the wedding. By then, my family had succeeded in convincing me to go through with it. I’d also realised that my mum would be devastated when she learned that I’d cancelled it. She’d blame herself and feel guilty forever. It wouldn’t help her recovery. So the show went on, but because of my emotional state, everyone (apart from me) decided it was best that I didn’t visit the hospital until a few days after I got married. It wouldn’t be much fun for the guests, or my new in-laws, if the new bride was constantly breaking down with tears.
I tried to be strong. It was hard but I found that if I kept my head blank of all thoughts and took deep breaths whenever any painful memory invaded it, I could just about make it. Being blank was the only way I survived those first couple of days after the wedding – it was so overwhelming. So many new faces, a whole new life, a new routine… I kept telling myself that I’d feel so much better when I finally saw my mum. Thankfully, my dream about her waking up came true. I think I cried non-stop for an hour at her bedside when I saw her eyes, fully open. They were so warm and you wouldn’t have been able to tell that they had been closed for over a fortnight. It was also the first time my husband was allowed to visit the hospital, and the first time he saw me cry so much. It brought us closer together and I’m really glad he was with me.
Things have been very tough ever since and the New Year started with a mix of pain, worry, tears and also some laughter and excitement. It was the first time in my life that I literally had no free time whatsoever. If I wasn’t trying to be a good wife, a good daughter-in-law, a good employee at work, I was trying to be a good daughter and visiting mum in hospital every day after work. She’s been improving slowly. She still hasn’t regained her speech, mainly because she can’t swallow, and the right side of her body is pretty much paralysed, but things could be a lot worse so we’re extremely thankful that she is still with us. All we can do is hope and pray that she continues to get better.
Life remains hectic and unpredictable but the pain is bearable because I have a husband who is very supportive and knows how to make me laugh. I don’t know when I’ll be able to continue with my writing, and I apologise to fans of the Poison Blood series who are eagerly awaiting Book 3. I promise you all, as soon as I have time to write regularly, I will continue with the vampire romance – hopefully you’ll think that it was worth the wait.
In the meantime however, I am planning to publish my second contemporary romance novel (the first one being my debut Chasing Pavements). I’d written and edited this forthcoming book a while ago, so there’s not much to do apart from uploading it to Amazon and Smashwords. I have a summer 2013 launch date in mind for this book, so watch this space.